To my dear sister on the other side.
I am perfectly aware that as a young girl, you aspire and dream of getting married one of these days. Your dream is to be adorned in that white shiny wedding dress. Yes, it is every girl’s dream to walk down the aisle with all eyes on her, amidst rumbles of applauds and ululations of having ‘fought the good fight’ and finally settling with the one who captured her admiration. There is no doubt that every girl would want to experience that at one point in life.
After all has been done, there awaits the ugly reality and the other side of life beyond the eventful white day. The happily ever after realm incredibly vanishes, the reality sprouting up. The core of marriage is not at all rooted on the beauty and the colorfulness of the wedding day but lies in the beauty of marriage and life after the wedding day. Before you decide to pledge your life and commit yourself into marriage, consider the aftermath of the white shiny dress. It is not just the fantasy of wearing the wedding dress, but thereafter is the real life with real challenges. After all the honeymoon romances and fantasies, you still have to come the reality that marriage is not a bed of roses world and have to be geared to fit in and adjust to the new family expectations. In this new life, it’s not entirely about the two of you, that is you and your spouse but entails striving to satisfy and live unto the expectations of the whole family including the extended as you know how the African set up is.
Compromise has to become your virtue as you have to adapt to the dynamics of in-laws and often their larger than life expectations. There is the unforeseen side of marriage which you are yet to discover and learn, like declaring all your finances to your spouse, dealing and handling in-laws and the extended family delicately and this lies upon you the woman. The surprising part is that the spouse does not have to go through that tough process of compromise in his wife’s family. That is what it is in the African society my little sister.
You will also discover the new side of your partner which he never exposed during courtship. I am not scaring you away or dwelling much on the negatives of marriage but I just want you to be prepared to see the other side of life after exchanging vows on the alter. Marriage is for the mature and at least I, your sister was a bit mature when I entered this institution, and that has at least enabled me to be rational at times so that things do not go out of hand. The reality of marriage is that you have to be prepared to part with some of systems which you were comfortable with before getting married, but, like I said before, it seems the man does not have to compromise on anything. The woman is forced to move into the husband’s home which most of the times strains relations and this burden is for you the woman to shoulder. Think of all these things where you are forced to fit into a new regime and sometimes will go through emotional pressure and torture with no one to listen to you. Most of these experiences come along with the white shiny dress.
You are still so fresh and young and life has a lot to offer besides marriage. Being 16 years means you still have got a lot of dreams to accomplish and right now getting married should be the last thing on your to do list. Strive to achieve the best. Get the best of your life, pursue and achieve your dreams and never allow anything to come your way. Do not rush into unions basking in the glory of the wedding dress because as young as you are, you still have more to life. You have your education to pursue and may not be able stomach and all the politics attached to married life. I hope you find my advice helpful to you.
Your loving sister from the other side.