Open letter to women…..

  • Posted on: 7 December 2016
  • By: tony

Speaking about gender based violence should not be limited to the 16 Days of activism but should be done every day. Today I will speak as if I was talking to my own sister and in doing so sometimes can get blunt.

You should never make an excuse for a man who is abusive, be it your boyfriend, workmate or husband for that matter. I know many of you are suffering and trying to protect your dignity in the institution of marriage. Many of you have this famous line, ndogarira vana vangu, but let me also tell you that you may die or get physically damaged.

The fact of the matter is that many of you are blinded during the courting period. In fact you refuse to see the ugly side of your partner. I don’t know how this happens but maybe ndo love yemusoja. You refuse to see the abusive tendencies in your partners. Some of you are beaten by boyfriends and still continue in the relationship. Why do you do that?  Abusive tendencies don’t start over night. Once you get beaten once don’t ever fool yourself that he might change or you will change him. People can pretend but never fully mask who they really are. A lion at Lion and Cheetah Park, although in captivity, is still a lion. The moment you see these monster tendencies walk away. Your life is too precious and you are worth more than being called his girlfriend or wife. Don’t attribute their violence to alcohol or maybe say it was your fault. No-one has a right to beat you.

Some of you may yell and even beat some of the brothers you stay with and boast saying ndepa Chihera. You wear the pants and call the shots in the house and humiliate them in public. That is all fair and fine and if it works for you, congratulations. Some of you are so daring and get so worked out during arguments and yell in your spouse’s face, “ndirove, ndirove”. But the truth of the matter is that you are physically weaker than men. Do not provoke your spouses and do not take their docility as weak- munodashurwa .

We have a responsibility to ourselves to expose gender based violence. Walk away from the coward who raises a finger at you. They belong in the zoo. I know you will say it’s complicated and I will never understand the dynamics. Yes, I don’t want to but I will not listen to your excuses of protecting them. They belong in the zoo.

I hope you don’t get too agitated, this is coming from a place of love.

Ndini Mukoma 

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